just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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