dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
