I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
