I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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