The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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