So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
