tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
