did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
