Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
two words: eviction party
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
