Sry I called you an 8
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
