My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
