My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize