ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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