I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
