I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
