Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
