He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
