My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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