She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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