If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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