and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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