just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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