ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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