I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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