Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
