Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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