took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
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you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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