Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
