you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
