Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
