He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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