the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
