remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
