Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize