you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
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Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
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A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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