I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
