So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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