i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
