you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
