Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
