I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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