I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
