Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
