it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
