I want to make a zoo with you.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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