I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
did you just send me my own nude
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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