I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
