Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Randomize
