god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My brain says no but my pants say off.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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