me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
