I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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