Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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