she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
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the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
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If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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