it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
