Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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