we have officially mastered the walk of shame
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
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I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
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I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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