Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
