it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
