just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
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There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
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My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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