we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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