he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize