I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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