she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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