Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
