You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
